Missing The Mark!

Over a hundred years ago the director of the US Patent office made the statement that the office should be closed, because everything that could be invented, had been invented.

           We look back and think, what a ridiculous statement.

                      Since that time there have been millions of inventions.

                                 And it seems that there is no end in sight to the inventions yet to come.

           We are an inventing people.

                      But we come by it naturally.

                                 For our creator is the ultimate inventor.

Marriage is God’s invention.

           He intended a lifelong, exclusive union between a man and a woman.

                      The foundation upon which the family is built.

           The context of this relationship is seen in Genesis 1.

                      The progression:

                                 God creates light and declares it good.

                                 God created dry land and the seas and says they are good.

                                 God creates vegetation and says that it’s good.

                                 God creates the heavenly bodies and said it was good.

                                 God creates the creatures in the sea and air and says they are good.

                                 God creates the land animals and says they are good.

                                 He looked at all He has created and said it was very good.

But then something surprising occurs in Genesis 2.

           God rewinds the tape and allows us to the creation of humanity in greater detail.

                      Adam is created and placed in the garden, but God says its not good.

Genesis 2:18 “...It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper for him.”

                                 Adam needed a helper:

                                            Something critical was lacking.

                                            Adam was created for a purpose he couldn’t fulfill alone.

                                 Adam needed a suitable helper:

Genesis 2:19-20 (NIV) 19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found.

                                            One corresponding to him, but different.

                                 Eve is the fulfillment of everything Adam desired and needed.

Genesis 2:21-23 (NIV) 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man."

I. Four Principles from the First Wedding:

Genesis 2:24-25 (NIV) 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Four essential elements that hold a marriage together.

1. Severance - cutting the apron strings.

           The Hebrew for “leave” is often translated “abandon.”

                      Abandoning here has two important ideas:

                                 Switching your primary allegiance, from parents to spouse.

                                 Switching your dependence from parent to spouse.

Unless both partners in the marriage deliberately “leave” their old families behind, their marriage will not succeed.

2. Permanence - two become one.

           Permanence naturally follows severance.

                      One must first leave the original family before he or she can truly be joined to their mate.

           When we see the word “joined” here, we should think of glue.

When a carpenter joins two pieced of wood with glue, the bond become so strong that when stressed, the wood will splinter before breaking the bond.

           Jesus took the words of Genesis a step further.

                      Mark 10:9 (NIV) 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

           We are to determine that our marriage is permanent.

                      God has joined you together.

                                 Let no one and let nothing separate you.

Your commitment to the permanence of your marriage will be a legacy you leave your children that will reap benefits that you cannot possibly foresee.

3. Unity - diversity brought into harmony.

           This is not uniformity, but unity.

                      Eve was not created to become a female Adam.

Genesis 2:24 (NIV) For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

           The term used for “one” stresses unity while recognizing diversity within that oneness.

                      Unity is diversity brought into harmony.

Figure skating couple - two clearly defined individuals, working together in perfect synchronization, but each having a clearly different role, but working together as one.

                      Your spouse will often have different opinions, interests, tastes, views, etc.

                                 But will work together with you in harmony.

4. Intimacy - knowing and being known without limitation.

           This is the ultimate prize, the reward for all the effort we invest in our marriage.

Genesis 2:25 (NIV) The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

           Many people confuse intimacy with sex.

                      Sex is not intimacy, it’s a product of intimacy.

           Intimacy involves sharing on many levels.

It’s shared discussion, silence, history, trials, heartbreaks, sorrow, grief, joy, commitment, etc.

                                 All of which are shared completely and at great risk.

                      This level of intimacy requires immense trust and enormous vulnerability.

II. Intimacy Lost:

Genesis 2:25-3:1 (NIV) 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. 3:1 Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?"

           Moses tells this part of the story using four, rapid-fire verbs:

                      she took, she ate, she gave, he ate.

           And once the sin was committed, everything crashed!

Genesis 3:7 (NIV) Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

Adam & Eve weren’t blind before they ate, but afterward, they saw everything in a different perspective.

                      Remember! Everything changed!

                                 Notice the first thing they noticed: “and they realized they were naked.”

                                 The intimacy of Genesis 2 is gone.

There are at least three changes in character that affected this first marriage:

1. Self-Consciousness

           Self-absorbed

           They became shamefully aware of their own nakedness.

                      Adam stopped caring for Eve’s needs and focused on his own.

                                 Eve did the same.

2. Isolation

           Self-preservation - withdrawal

           They withdrew from each other.

           After their disobedience to God, their thoughts turned to self-perseveration.

                      It’s each man or woman for them self.

3. Fear

           Running from God

Genesis 3:8 (NIV) Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden.

           Just as sin caused them to withdraw from each other, sin put them at odds with God.

                      Sin caused them to fear God and to run from Him and hide.

Not only did Adam & Eve lose the intimacy between themselves, they lost intimacy with their Creator.

           While they were right to fear God, now that they were at odds with God.

                      It was foolish to think they could hide from God.

God knows all things, we cannot hide our sin from Him.

Instead of running from God and thinking that we can somehow hide our sin from God, God wants us to behave very differently.

                      Because, more than anything else, God wants to restore that intimacy that has been lost.

III. Intimacy Regained:

Genesis 3:9-13 (NIV) 9 But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?" 10 He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid." 11 And he said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?" 12 The man said, "The woman you put here with me--she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it." 13 Then the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate."

           God’s conversation here with Adam & Eve is far more than we see at first glance.

                      It is an act of grace on God’s part.

God is all knowing.

           He didn’t ask these questions because He didn’t know what happened.

           He conversation here with Adam & Eve was for their benefit.

                      He could have passed judgment on them without a word, but He chose to not too.

With each question, God gave Adam, then Eve, an opportunity to come clean, tell the truth, repent, and ask forgiveness.

                      But with each question, they failed.

                                 And sin took an immediate toll.

God was giving them an opportunity to regain intimacy, and he gives us the same opportunity.

           How do we do that?

1. Admit the truth.

           When God asked Adam in Genesis 3:9 “Where are you?”, Adam responded by saying:

                      “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

           Now, Adam’s response to God was what we would call a “half-truth!”

                      Adam was afraid, but it wasn’t because he was naked.

                                 After all, Adam had always been naked.

                                 That was the way God created him and the way he had lived ever since.

I can imagine God saying to Adam: “When did this become an issue? You’ve been naked for how long now? What changed?’

Adam was not hiding from God because he was naked, he was hiding because of his disobedience to God.

And by asking the question, God was giving Adam an opportunity to fess up, to tell the truth, to admit his sin, to regain his intimacy with God.

                      But Adam was not willing to admit the truth!

If we are going to regain our intimacy with God, our intimacy with our husband or wife, or other family member, then we have to admit the truth of our sinfulness.

We have to be willing to admit our faults, when and where we were wrong, the mistakes we have, and continue to make.

           Intimacy is not found in trying to hide the truth, but in admitting the truth of our sinfulness.

2. Take responsibility.

Then God asked another question of Adam in verse 11: “...Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”

           Adam’s answer not only hurt God, it must have crushed Eve.

Adam said in verse 12: “The woman you put here with me–she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”

Here Eve’s loving husband, the man who called her bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh, betrayed her to save himself.

                                 How could she ever look at him the same again?

But then Eve responds in the same way as she answers God question in verse 13: “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

Neither Adam or Eve were willing to take responsibility for their sin.    

If they had only taken responsibility for their sin, they could have regained their intimacy with God and with one another.

Charles Swindoll wonders what would have happened if the conversation had gone something like this:

           Then the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?”

           And Adam said, “I’m here, Lord. I’ve been waiting for you. I have something to confess.

           “Please do.”

Adam begins to weep. “The thing is, Lord, I have sinned. I clearly remember your telling me that I must not eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, but I did anyway. I have no excuse. Please forgive me.”

           God then asked, “The woman I have to be your helper...did she eat as well?”

Adam stepped forward. “She did. We both have disobeyed you. Please have mercy on us...for her sake especially.”

We can only imagine how different things would have turned out, if that had been Adam’s response to God.

           If Adam had taken responsibility for his sin.

           I can imagine that God would have responded by forgiving them.

That God would have said something like: “Let’s just wipe the slate clean and start all over. Let’s make a new beginning.”

                                 Oh, how different the world would be if that had been the case.

But I do know this, that is exactly how God will respond to us today, if we are willing to take responsibility for our sin.

If we will take responsibility, God is more than willing to forgive us, to cleanse us of our sin, and to draw us close to Him once again.

But we live in a world where people want to blame everyone and everything else for their problems.

We’re over weight, so we blame the fast food and snack industry for making us eat their food.

We spill coffee on yourself and get burned, and we blame McDonald’s for making the coffee to hot.

           Trying to pass the buck, trying to shift blame is not going to cut it with God.

                      We have to take personal responsibility.

When it comes to our marriage and family, we have to do the same thing.

           How’s the intimacy in your marriage?

                      Do you want to get your family back on target and keep it on target?

                      Then take your eyes off your spouse!

                                 Stop blaming the kids!

                                            Stop blaming your job!

                                                       Stop blaming your circumstances!

                      Look at your self!

                                 Don’t try to fix your spouse, let the Holy Spirit do that.

Instead, try to determine what you have done, or are doing, that contributes to the problem.

                                            Accept complete responsibility for where you have blown it.

                                                       Where you have failed to live up to God’s standards.

                                            Acknowledge your shortcomings before God, and ask for His help.

If Adam had done that, how different our world may have been.

           If we will do that, how different our marriage would be.

                      It could, and it would, go from painful to wonderful!