When commitment breaks down, so do marriages.

One thing that most of us have learned over the years is that a marriage will not maintain itself.

           Making a marriage work takes a lot of effort and a real commitment.

           You have to learn to become a unit.

You stay with it through the hard times, when you would like nothing better than call it quits.

                      You stay with it through all the sinful struggles and annoying habits.

                      You stay with it through one crisis after another.

Then, after you have made it through a number of years, in an unguarded moment, you realize that you’re glad you stuck it out.

                      You’re glad you made it work.

                                 And you’re especially glad your partner didn’t walk out.

As we take a look at “commitment” this morning, which is the key to permanence, we are going to look at three couples in the Bible.

Each of these couples faced a particular challenge, and each one has something to teach us about “commitment.”

1. The Challenge of Consequence - Adam & Eve

If there was a couple that ever started off on the right foot, it was Adam & Eve.

           They were perfect and so was the world.

                      They literally lived in paradise!

           But then sin changed all of that!

                      After they disobeyed God, God handed out the consequences.

Genesis 3:16-19, 23: 16 To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." 17 To Adam he said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat of it,' "Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. 18 It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. 19 By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return."

23 So the LORD God banished him from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken.

As we said last week, after the fall, after Adam & Eve disobeyed God, basically everything changed!

           But there were some things that didn’t change:

                      Adam & Eve still bore the image of God, although it was now distorted.

                      They were still to care for the earth, but it would not be an easy task now.

                      They remained husband & wife.

                      They were still to multiply and fill the earth, but that would come only with great pain.

They could still experience intimacy, but it was now complicated by fear, selfishness, defensiveness, and withdrawal.

           The awful effects of sin would haunt them and all others who came after them.

Adam & Eve were driven out of paradise.

           They would bury a son, murdered by his own brother.

           They would see their remaining son banished and cursed by God.

Adam my well have lived long enough to have seen the birth of Noah, which means that this first couple would have seen the steady moral decline of the worlds people, their own descendants.

                      To the point that God regretted that He created people at all.

If anyone could point to the difficulties of life as a reason to end a marriage, it was Adam & Eve.

           But, from what we read, they stayed together through it all.

           We learn from Adam & Eve that the even though we may face some real difficulties in life.

                      Even thought the consequences of our sins and the sins of others may be harsh.

           They do not make marriage impossible!

                      Difficult, yes; impossible, no!

The following letter appeared in the Ann Lander’s newspaper column a few years ago.

"Dear Ann Landers: I’m going to tell you about a love story that I witness every time I go to the nursing home to see my husband who has Alzheimer’s disease. Unfortunately, I know firsthand how this terrible illness affects family members, but I would like the world to know what love really is. I see a man who, I understand, has spent the last eight years caring for his wife who has Alzheimer’s. They have been married more than 50 years. He cooks and feeds her every bite of food she eats. He has bathed her and dressed her every day all these years. They have no other family. She lost a baby at birth and they never had any more children. "I cannot describe the tenderness and love that man shows for his wife. She is unable to recognize anyone, including him. The only things she shows any interest in are two baby dolls. They are never out of her hands. "I observed him when I parked my car beside his the other day. He sat in his old pickup truck for a few minutes, then he patted down, what little hair he had, straightened the threadbare collar of his shirt and looked in the mirror for a final check before going in to see his wife. It was as if he were courting her. They have been partners all these years and have seen each other under all kinds of circumstances, yet he carefully groomed himself before he called on his wife, who wouldn’t even know him. This is an example of the love and commitment the world needs today."

Commitment to one another, regardless of the circumstances that life throws at you, that is what makes a marriage work.

           You may be dealing with financial problems,

                      You’re kids may be giving you a fit,

                      Your spouse may have to spend long hours at work,

                      You or your spouse or a child may have a terrible disease that is life threatening,

These and or a hundred other horrible circumstances may be plaguing your life, your marriage right now.

Healing is available.

           It won’t be easy, but you’ll never find it running.

           If your married, choose to remain committed to your mate as an important first step.

2. The Challenge of Conflict - Hosea & Gomer.

There is probably no greater challenge to marriage than infidelity.

           So serious is the damage that God considers it a breach of the marriage bond an permits divorce.

Matthew 19:8-9 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

           But, that is not to say that we must divorce because of infidelity.

                      Consider the marriage of Hosea & Gomer.

The nation of Israel had plunged into sin and idolatry.

           The nation was divided, north and south.

To convict the nation of their spiritual infidelity, God spotlighted the life and marriage of the prophet Hosea.

Hosea 1:2 When the LORD began to speak through Hosea, the LORD said to him, "Go, take to yourself an adulterous wife and children of unfaithfulness, because the land is guilty of the vilest adultery in departing from the LORD.” 3 So he married Gomer daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son.

Biblical scholars don’t really know for sure whether Gomer was a harlot before they were married or become one some years later.

It’s seems from the text that God is saying that this is what she would become after their marriage.

           Which means that Hosea would have picked out what he thought was a nice Jewish girl to marry.

We are told that Hosea & Gomer had at least three children:

           Jezreel - his name means that God will disperse the nation because of their sin.

           Lo-ruhamah (lo - ru - ham - a) - her name means no compassion, no mercy.

           Lo-ammi (lo - am - I) - his name means not my people.

           Their marriage and their children were a symbol of God’s relationship to the nation of Israel.

                      God made it clear what His feeling were concerning that relationship.

                                 It was over!

And the same could be said about the marriage of Hosea & Gomer.

           Sometime after the birth of their third child, Gomer left Hosea and became a prostitute.

           At this point we can say that their marriage was over!

           Gomer became a common street whore, giving Hosea every right to divorce her.

But then something remarkable happened in chapter 3.

           How long she lived the life of a prostitute we don’t know.

One thing that indicates that it was probably years is that when a prostitute became to old to make a living by that means, they would usually sell themselves into slavery instead of becoming destitute.

                      And it appears that is what Gomer did.

Now listen to what God tells Hosea to do:

Hosea 3:1-2 The LORD said to me, "Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the LORD loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes." 2 So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and about a homer and a lethek of barley.

                      That was the normal price for a slave.

Hosea 3:3 Then I told her, "You are to live with me many days; you must not be a prostitute or be intimate with any man, and I will live with you."

           What a fantastic statement!

Now, remember, that this is also a picture of God’s relationship with the nation of Israel.

           God is willing and ready to purchase back His people.

           God’s greatest desire is to restore their relationship.

           What a foreshadow of what God does for us through His Son on the cross of Calvary,

                      paying the price for our sin, purchasing us back from the slavery of sin,

                                 to become His people.

Here in the life of Hosea & Gomer, God directs Hosea to take back his unfaithful wife.

           To show her a grace that she does not deserve.

If you are the victim of martial infidelity, you are not required to remain married.

           God does permit divorce in that case.

However, if your mate is genuinely repentant and willing to do the difficult work of rebuilding the trust.

                      Then let me encourage you to consider applying uncommon grace.

While you are entitled to walk away, you may be forfeiting greater happiness and healing that comes by extending grace, than by turning away and claiming your rights.

           It’s a difficult path to take.

                      It’s risky.

                                 It requires great faith and enormous forgiveness.

                                            But the rewards could be greater than you imagine.

                      What we need to understand is that divorce will not erase the pain and damage.

                                 You must heal either way.

                                            The question is, how and with whom will you heal?

A recent study by the University of Chicago showed couples who stay in an unhappy marriage and endure it, are more likely to be happy 5 years later than those who decide to divorce.

Hosea’s marriage demonstrates that no marriage is to “dead” for the Lord to restore.

If the Lord can put the marriage of Hosea & Gomer back together, He can keep yours from falling apart in the face of just about anything.

           That is if we are committed to each other and to God.

3. The Challenge of Circumstances - Joseph & Mary.

The story of Joseph & Mary is a very familiar one, heard each year at Christmas.

Matthew 1:18 This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit.

According to Jewish custom, Mary & Joseph, even though they were not actually married, were united by a marriage contract, that was just as binding as marriage.

                      The only way to break the contract was by a legal divorce.

It was during this time that they were betrothed to each other, before Joseph ever touched her sexually, that Mary became pregnant.

                      We know from Luke’s account that Mary was told of the plan by an angel,

                                 who explained that she would miraculously have a child by the Holy Spirit of God.

                      But, Joseph didn’t know anything about all this.

                                 All he knew was that Mary was pregnant and it was not his.

In Matthew 1:19-21 we read: 19 Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. 20 But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, "Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. 21 She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins."

Try to understand how Joseph must have felt.

           He discovered that his wife was pregnant, and drew the only conclusion possible.

                      She had committed adultery.

                      Mary surely tried to explain, but her story is unbelievable.

                                 Joseph decides to opt for a quiet divorce.

           But God soon sent and angel to Joseph to confirm what Mary had told him.

Then came the decision.

           He had to know that any hope for a normal marriage was over.

                      The wagging of tongues.

                                 The neighborhood gossip network in little Nazareth would be working overtime.

           Talk about a scandal!

                      No one would believe their story.

           This would either draw them together, or it would become a wedge.

                      Everything hinged on their commitment to each other.

           If they remained committed to each other and the covenant they made with God,

                      the marriage would survive.

In fact, the intimacy may even grow sweeter as the two share a perspective that on one else on earth would appreciate.

You may be faced with an unusual set of circumstances, that challenge your marriage from the outside.

In all my years I have never seen one marriage get worse when the partners redouble their commitment to each other.

           The problems may not go away, but the marriage get stronger.

If marriage is going to survive, commitment is priority one.

           Nothing else you do will really matter is you haven’t determined to stay in it.

           Whether te challenge is consequences, conflict, or circumstances,

                      the key to maintaining a lifelong marriage is commitment.

           It’s a choice that doesn’t change with your feelings.

                      It doesn’t depend on good fortune or even your mates attitude.

Commitment says to your partner, “I know things have gone sour, I know have sinned and I have sinned, I know that these are rough times, but I will remain with you regardless.”

           It’s a decision you make, once for all time.

                      That’s confirmed by your actions everyday.

           A simple concept that is anything but easy, but no more complicated than deciding to stay.

One final thing, but very important thing:

           If commitment is the key, then Christ is the lock.

           If the marriage is to last, Christ must be at the very center of your life and your marriage.

                      With His transforming power,

                                 Constant encouragement,

                                            Infectious compassion,

                                                       Working in your life,

                                                                  How can a marriage fail?